So, I have been “stringing you along” with promises of how being authentic and congruent will improve relationships. Good news! I’m going to finally reveal some of my thoughts for you. The reward for your patience.
Just to recap. We start off living in two realities, our inside world (true self) and our outside world (what we present to others). At some point many of us realize we are being hypocritical. We may feel one way on the inside, but present something different to the rest of humanity. Once we see this disconnect – the hypocritical nature of not being our true self – many of us begin lining up the inner world with what the outer world sees. We try to “get real.” Gradually we allow others a peek at our true self. If all goes well, we allow more of our true self to show through. It is important to begin this process with a safe person/s. Revealing too much, too soon, to the wrong person can be hurtful and cause us to retreat, slamming the door shut on transparency and authenticity.
When we become “real,” and authentic to our true self, we have the capacity to be more intimate in all our relationships. We are no longer hiding who we are. We allow others the freedom to fall in love with or become friends with who we really are.
Have you ever thought about how a relationship develops when both people are presenting only what they think the other wants to see? The relationship is built on false data. You think you know the other person, but in actuality you are getting to know only who they are presenting themselves to be. It is like a false front, not knowing what truly lies underneath the surface. Can you see how this could become confusing quickly? The relationship is built on a false premise and when the relationship “gets real” they may begin to realize, “I didn’t sign up for this.”
We present a false front because we want people to like us. But what if the other person isn’t attracted to who you are trying to be? But instead would be friends with your real self? It may seem somewhat convoluted, but definitely something to think about.
So, if you want better relationships, work on being yourself. Be true to who you are and treat others as you would want to be treated. If someone isn’t interested in being your friend and accepting you for who you truly are, they are not worth having as a friend. Let your true self find another “true self” and enjoy a real, authentic, relationship.